Some people attract men. Some attract money. It's come to my attention that I, indeed, attract shenanigans. And not of the regular variety... no, I attract the kind that inspire sitcoms. Whole series in their honor.
So, it should come as no surprise to anyone that as I was about to settle into my nice comfy bed, I should hear something in the fireplace in my room. The beautiful, romantic fireplace that inspired our house purchase. The one that is oh... about 2 feet or so away from my bed. Staring at me like a black hole of terror while the beast is trying to scratch it's way into my house... WTH people??? W.T.H...
Certain things are becoming abundantly clear to me. Like why I have two boys. My first born told me earlier tonight that he was going to turn into the Hulk to smash the thunderstorm. My bay-bay is too young to say what he thinks; but I know he's got the eye of the tiger- I see it already. On the other hand, my dear hubs, who's given me the nick name "Over Reaction Jackson" is asleep. Why? Because he's checked the perimeter and deems there is no imminent threat to life and limb. *side-eye- I know you just love me for the insurance!
Nevertheless, even with my household filled with testosterone, I will be up all night. Making sure that nothing is there. So I can take off running and screaming like a banshi just in case there is. Because clearly, I will be of no help in this situation...
Could you imagine if we had two girls? The three of us throwing up our glitter in fear??? Running with arms flailing into the night? Tripping over our dear marabous? Because one of us saw a bug??? Yesterday... that is now dead?
Thank God that He knows what's best for us...
Well, I hope you all get a good night's rest. In the meantime, I've turned the TV on and it's loud. I'll be praying for refuge. My nightlight is on so I can see the enemy before it sees me. My dad always told me that these things are more afraid of humans than we are of them. I believe that to be poppycock and a lie, counselor!!! Because with the way they Deebo and Gangsta their way around me, I am clearly the punk in this situation.
Send reinforcements.
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