Here we are peeps. It is December 20, 2012. A seemingly non-notable day for any other year in history; but a special day for us. Why? Because we are the chosen ones who, yet again, get to partake in one more end of the world extravaganza!!!!
For those of you keeping score: the other times were just dress rehearsal and canceled due to the minor technical difficulty of...you know... the world not ending...
Minor detail, folks!
But we, oh lucky ones, get to say we were here! We saw it coming (on History Channel- a surprising cable network that spends most of its time predicting the future). I mean, we look at our own calendar expire every year and don't brace ourselves for the end; yet, let a Mayan overachiever create a 2000 year calendar and decide to... I don't know... retire.... and all of a sudden, we need to prepare for the end!
But before we fully celebrate Dooms Day Eve by posting random comments to facebook/twitter, taking pictures of our toes for instagram, shopping for gifts we may or may not need in a couple of days, and generally going on with life as usual; I'd like to take the time to update the congregation on a few important announcements:
1. I SUCK at Blogging:
I was checking this blog out not because people still comment on it... and not because it's almost been a year since I posted anything; but because I was watching Catfish the other night on MTV (a show where lonely people create fake profiles and commit to long term relationships as someones unsuspecting look alike) and found out that you can search using an image on google. Since my picture is at the masthead of this thing, I was really coming to see if there was anyone with a secret profile with my images; and conversely, a legion of unsuspecting men who are in love with me.
No such luck. It just led me back to this page. To which, I wanted to post a blog to say: if anybody out there would like to use my likeness to, you know, sway a certain gentleman your way; I would only request that you live the full MG experience. Come on over to my brand of crazy! Wash some clothes, shake some hands and babysit some babies. Marabou slippers don't judge... hell, I'd want to be me, too.
2. Ain't Nobody Worried, Until We're All Panicking
As a person who has deemed herself important enough to need a blog to describe my particular brand of crazy, I've realized that I've never taken the time to let anyone know what my brand of crazy entails.
My brand of crazy is all about worrying... and making lists.... and then worrying some more about what my lists may not include... and then making a list of things my list needs. Then procrastinating because a little pressure never hurt anyone.
However, my hubs is the only one who refers to it this way. I like to call it: Melanie's Highly Advanced Preparation System of Awesomeness. You see, I'm not worried about the world ending. I am more concerned about what will happen 3 days after it does and we realize the lights on my battery operated candles are about to fizzle. Why battery operated candles? Because, in the spectrum of worrying, you have to think ahead to what you don't want to be worried about! Battery operated candles keep the house from burning down when everyone is running around in circles in a sheer panic (thus knocking over a candle). DUH!
So, I think I'm going to go buy some watch batteries tomorrow or in a couple of days to alleviate this need and charge up my back-up battery's, back-up batteries, just in case. See what I'm saying?!?! Word to yo' motha! Marabou slippers don't lie!
3. Don't Use Today to Skimp on Holiday Treats
Most of the people I know are on a diet. A diet to get thin. A diet to maintain weight. A diet from their diet that's not working.
But today, congregation, I'm here to tell you that you need to EAT! Eat like you've never eaten before. If you think you only want two holiday cookies, eat four and store eight like a chipmunk for later! If you've already had breakfast, make like a hobbit and opt for second breakfast! If you're having a happy hour cocktail, you should consider following it up with an ECSTATIC hour bottle. You should attempt to eat with your fork, spoon, knife and fingers.
Why? Because I know that some of you are out here in your red bottom CL's, diamonds up the wazoo and half-tank-premium-gas-is-to-expensive-fill-up fancy cars; yet have a pantry full of memories. You haven't been grocery shopping since grocery shopping's been grocery shopping. And inevitably, you and your diet are going to end up at my house looking for some of those cookies you should have eaten today. Please, don't be so inclined to clutch your pearls when I politely tell you that my cookies are for the kids and usher you away. Ain't nobody got time for your brand of foolishness. Besides, if we make it anywhere close to the 23rd, I'm sure you would have found a fast to rid yourself of your past sins of the last 48 hours anyway... But today, sistah girl, is not the day.
4. Give a Baby a Hug
Now onto a serious note: I'm a jokester. Sometime, I laugh to keep from crying. In fact, when in doubt, I will typically just laugh. It's not always appropriate; but it beats walking around with a Botox stoic face.
However, people these days are crazy. We sit here and worry about a calendar that was created XX thousands of years ago; yet don't think of the particular brand of crazy that we subscribe to and look at everyday.
I've been quite disturbed with some of the things I've seen and heard in the past few weeks. I mean, newspaper covers with a man who was pushed of train platform. A young man being gunned down for his music being too loud...
And just when I thought that was enough, came the ultimate gut punch to our sense of peace and security.
I'll never understand why some people do what they do. What drives people to the edge of insanity or what happens when we can no longer distinguish right from wrong. I, along with the rest of the nation, can only wonder what was going through that young man's head when he decided to walk into a school and take the lives of so many people; especially the young children.
You see, no matter how long you live, life is short. We can sit and concentrate on a calendar or the million thing that we need to do. Or we can choose to live and concentrate on the things that matter: the sound of a child's voice; breathing fresh air; laughing at a joke; creating a cherished memory.
I haven't been on my blog because I've been living. I worry so that my children don't have to. In reality, I love to celebrate holidays because that's where my fondest memories are created and I live... I mean LIVE for my childrens' hugs and kisses.
My heart goes out to the parents, children, siblings, spouses, extended family members and friends who were personally affected by the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. Word's really can't express my feelings.
Live today. Procrastinate on your worry for tomorrow if it comes...
For those of you keeping score: the other times were just dress rehearsal and canceled due to the minor technical difficulty of...you know... the world not ending...
Minor detail, folks!
But we, oh lucky ones, get to say we were here! We saw it coming (on History Channel- a surprising cable network that spends most of its time predicting the future). I mean, we look at our own calendar expire every year and don't brace ourselves for the end; yet, let a Mayan overachiever create a 2000 year calendar and decide to... I don't know... retire.... and all of a sudden, we need to prepare for the end!
But before we fully celebrate Dooms Day Eve by posting random comments to facebook/twitter, taking pictures of our toes for instagram, shopping for gifts we may or may not need in a couple of days, and generally going on with life as usual; I'd like to take the time to update the congregation on a few important announcements:
1. I SUCK at Blogging:
I was checking this blog out not because people still comment on it... and not because it's almost been a year since I posted anything; but because I was watching Catfish the other night on MTV (a show where lonely people create fake profiles and commit to long term relationships as someones unsuspecting look alike) and found out that you can search using an image on google. Since my picture is at the masthead of this thing, I was really coming to see if there was anyone with a secret profile with my images; and conversely, a legion of unsuspecting men who are in love with me.
No such luck. It just led me back to this page. To which, I wanted to post a blog to say: if anybody out there would like to use my likeness to, you know, sway a certain gentleman your way; I would only request that you live the full MG experience. Come on over to my brand of crazy! Wash some clothes, shake some hands and babysit some babies. Marabou slippers don't judge... hell, I'd want to be me, too.
2. Ain't Nobody Worried, Until We're All Panicking
As a person who has deemed herself important enough to need a blog to describe my particular brand of crazy, I've realized that I've never taken the time to let anyone know what my brand of crazy entails.
My brand of crazy is all about worrying... and making lists.... and then worrying some more about what my lists may not include... and then making a list of things my list needs. Then procrastinating because a little pressure never hurt anyone.
However, my hubs is the only one who refers to it this way. I like to call it: Melanie's Highly Advanced Preparation System of Awesomeness. You see, I'm not worried about the world ending. I am more concerned about what will happen 3 days after it does and we realize the lights on my battery operated candles are about to fizzle. Why battery operated candles? Because, in the spectrum of worrying, you have to think ahead to what you don't want to be worried about! Battery operated candles keep the house from burning down when everyone is running around in circles in a sheer panic (thus knocking over a candle). DUH!
So, I think I'm going to go buy some watch batteries tomorrow or in a couple of days to alleviate this need and charge up my back-up battery's, back-up batteries, just in case. See what I'm saying?!?! Word to yo' motha! Marabou slippers don't lie!
3. Don't Use Today to Skimp on Holiday Treats
Most of the people I know are on a diet. A diet to get thin. A diet to maintain weight. A diet from their diet that's not working.
But today, congregation, I'm here to tell you that you need to EAT! Eat like you've never eaten before. If you think you only want two holiday cookies, eat four and store eight like a chipmunk for later! If you've already had breakfast, make like a hobbit and opt for second breakfast! If you're having a happy hour cocktail, you should consider following it up with an ECSTATIC hour bottle. You should attempt to eat with your fork, spoon, knife and fingers.
Why? Because I know that some of you are out here in your red bottom CL's, diamonds up the wazoo and half-tank-premium-gas-is-to-expensive-fill-up fancy cars; yet have a pantry full of memories. You haven't been grocery shopping since grocery shopping's been grocery shopping. And inevitably, you and your diet are going to end up at my house looking for some of those cookies you should have eaten today. Please, don't be so inclined to clutch your pearls when I politely tell you that my cookies are for the kids and usher you away. Ain't nobody got time for your brand of foolishness. Besides, if we make it anywhere close to the 23rd, I'm sure you would have found a fast to rid yourself of your past sins of the last 48 hours anyway... But today, sistah girl, is not the day.
4. Give a Baby a Hug
Now onto a serious note: I'm a jokester. Sometime, I laugh to keep from crying. In fact, when in doubt, I will typically just laugh. It's not always appropriate; but it beats walking around with a Botox stoic face.
However, people these days are crazy. We sit here and worry about a calendar that was created XX thousands of years ago; yet don't think of the particular brand of crazy that we subscribe to and look at everyday.
I've been quite disturbed with some of the things I've seen and heard in the past few weeks. I mean, newspaper covers with a man who was pushed of train platform. A young man being gunned down for his music being too loud...
And just when I thought that was enough, came the ultimate gut punch to our sense of peace and security.
I'll never understand why some people do what they do. What drives people to the edge of insanity or what happens when we can no longer distinguish right from wrong. I, along with the rest of the nation, can only wonder what was going through that young man's head when he decided to walk into a school and take the lives of so many people; especially the young children.
You see, no matter how long you live, life is short. We can sit and concentrate on a calendar or the million thing that we need to do. Or we can choose to live and concentrate on the things that matter: the sound of a child's voice; breathing fresh air; laughing at a joke; creating a cherished memory.
I haven't been on my blog because I've been living. I worry so that my children don't have to. In reality, I love to celebrate holidays because that's where my fondest memories are created and I live... I mean LIVE for my childrens' hugs and kisses.
My heart goes out to the parents, children, siblings, spouses, extended family members and friends who were personally affected by the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. Word's really can't express my feelings.
Live today. Procrastinate on your worry for tomorrow if it comes...
