Sunday night's VMA's, in my opinion, was a smorgasbord of glitz, glamour, tomfoolery and shenanigans! I originally decided that since I was coming down from a birthday celebration high, I wasn't going to hold my usual Facebook commentary and just be a silent witness...
Then, while rocking my son to sleep, I saw this on my phone:
 |
| Photo:Wire Image |
Wait, Whaaaaaa? Beyonce???? Pregnant???
I mean, my poor little bean barely got to shut his eyes before I had him down in the crib and came back to the grid to partake in the entire show. I had to get to the bottom of this! I mean, I was having a full on Stan attack moment.
This was, quite possibly, the most important television announcement since Obama won the 2008 election! Baby Carter is going to be the most watched celebrity in Hollywood- maybe even more so than the child's parents.
I mean, I heard the baby was already signed to a 10 year record deal with Live Nation! IMG is representing the baby in the model contract negotiations with House of Dereon, Rocawear and Loreal. Coty is creating a fragrance! Maybach is currently creating a minivan... if you're interested and have an extra milli laying around under a couch somewhere... Beyonce is currently recording the diamond selling children's albums 12345 and ABC Day; and Jay-Z just found his 100th problem: getting into an upper crust New York prep school.
If that's not enough, Mama Tina has a new line of glittery baby leotards coming to a Walmart near you!
If that's not enough, Mama Tina has a new line of glittery baby leotards coming to a Walmart near you!
All in all- this baby is bigger than your life. It already holds the new world record for having the most tweets per second on twitter...
But church of WAtoMG, I don't want you to concentrate on baby Carter (aka GooGoo Gaga Knowles Carter) and how our lives will be consumed with the baby until early adulthood/sainthood/knightship. No, instead, I want you to continue on with life as normal. The new normal...
Try not to concentrate on Entertainment Tonight and all of the other nightly "news" magazines that will hold your attention for a half hour to talk to the person at the end of the show who briefly passed Beyonce after a Doctor's appointment; and may or may have not heard what was said. Close your ears as these shows hire Dr. Drew to talk about how "he's not Beyonce's doctor; but if he was, he can tell you how she feels right now". I want you remain steadfast and not spend hours of your work day... wasting time... trying to figure out what color the baby's room is going to be on the yacht they are taking to the south of France to buy some brie. And MOST OF ALL don't expect to be invited to the baby shower AND PLEASE refrain from throwing your own...
Church, I know this will come as an immediate shock, but, life will go on. The shift of energy may be causing these Quakiccanados all up and down the East Coast; but I promise: things will return to the new normal.
Your bills will still come. The gas will still be high.
The only thing that will be different is the amount of leotards and shiny tights available at Walmart.
And the Maybach minivan... which you can't afford anyway.
And if you really... I mean REALLY just CANNOT for any other reason concentrate on anything else than the birth GooGoo Gaga Knowles Carter and the world tour that is sure to follow, then ask yourself this one, very simple question:
What the hell is that on Katy Perry's head????
 |
| Photo: Getty Images |
Well, I guess if you're going to do something, do it big. I'm happy for them.
This is the greatest day of my life....baby leotards by Tina Knowles & a Maybach minivan. It can't get any better then this. I told myself I wouldn't get a Maybach till they came out with one. Look at baby Carter already changing the world for the better. :)
ReplyDeleteGoodness, this gal is insane! Love it!!!
ReplyDelete*secretly on the waiting list for a shiny new leotard and ABC Day...*
ReplyDelete