Justin Bieber Has a New Kind of Funk



Photo Credit: Jamie McCarthy, Getty Images

The thing about having a new baby is that you don't get out the house much.  So, on a recent trip to my local mall, I was surprised to find little Justin Beiber cut outs EVERY FRIGGIN' WHERE! I wondered if there was a new concert that was coming to town.  Maybe he was going to be at the mall doing some sort of promo...

And then I saw it.  Hanging above my head.  A new women's girl's fragrance by Justin Bieber called "Someday". Someday?  As in "Someday, I'll be crazy enough to buy that." or maybe "Someday, that will be considered cool..."

Just when I started believing in my marketing peeps worldwide, they go and pull this jack move.  Don't get me wrong.  Good for Bieber that he's leaning on the 7 minutes he has left on his fame clock and getting every dime he can; but a $50 fragrance?  In major department stores? For girls? From a pubescent boy?  mmmmmk.

Oh the stench headache his concerts must have become... little trees everywhere are cringing just thinking about it.

Sadly enough, there aren't many people out there lately that have risen to fame like Bieber, so I guess someone had to do it. However, just in case the people at  Coty get any ideas, here is my short list of celebrities we don't want to smell like:

NICKI MINAJ PRESENTS: BOOTY

This cologne just smells like ass.  Hot pink, rainbow wig wearing, ass.  And you will, too, once you wear it.

NANCY GRACE PRESENTS: SWEET JUSTICE

This cologne has tender notes in the beginning. Everything about it is 100% right.  No one could ever tell you that the facts of this funk just don't add up.  And then, all of a sudden, towards the end of the day it just turns sour.  Everything about it is all wrong.  You'll have to get an investigative team around you to find out what smells like armpits; only to find out it's the Nancy Grace scowl of funk upon you.

SNOOKI PRESENTS CONFUSION

Photo Credit: TMZ, WENN

This mix of pickle juice, steroids and coconut oil will make you believe you are a lone lost cast member of the Jersey Shore.  However, a quick check of your bank account will confirm that your shenanigans go unpaid. Therefore, leave the druken "skirt with thong cartwheels in public" to the professionals. That move will get you arrested in real life.

JWOWW PRESENTS: SILICONE  

Photo Credit: MTV

This slippery concoction smells like cigarettes and a bar fight.  Good news is that it will attract a nice juicehead with limited funds and a bad attitude.  Bad news is that your extensions will go up in flames after one spray.  Choose your battles wisely.

KE$HA PRESENTS: DIRTY GIRL 



Photo Credit: WENN

 This is a scent you wear to the gym as man repellent.  It has an earthy scent like mold and fertilizer... if you leave it on too long, you may grow something foreign or turn into a zombie warrior. Whichever comes first... 


Enough to singe the hairs out your nose...