The Curios Case of Ugly Shoes

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Somethings just leave me speechless.

And as you can tell from my long winded posts, that's not exactly easy.

I used to be a shoe fiend.  But it seems that most shoe companies have come down with a case of the uglies.  Are people depressed because of the recession? What is going on?! 

I know, I know, "shoes are a form of self expression!". But what I really want to know is: "What in the ham sammich is being said?!?!?!"

Take, for instance, these "WHAT IN THE CRIMINAL HELL IS THAT?!?!?" pair,
shall we?:

Ummm. ..... ah.... I'm almost afraid of these shoes.  Who in the bestiality hell thought this was a good idea? But you know, the hoof is not the worst part.  The heel and the zipper. And fur.  You've gotta think that the animal that died for this cause must be turning over in its grave. How sad that someone would kill them to contribute to this fugliness.

You would have to huff 3-4 cans of Pledge to wear these hoof shoes.
Don't. For your own good.
On either account. 

And what about these:

See, there's a time when your True Blood/Twilight obsession is okay.  And then there is this. In which case, if you are even in consideration of buying, would warrant you back away from the computer and seek help.  Immediately.  Like... fuuuureal.  I do it because I love you.  

*Sigh*

Facebook.  Please stop allowing your "friends" to tag you in pictures of this craziness.  Nike heels: because you never know when a game of pick up basketball will happen while you are in line for the club.  I mean, it happens.  At least you're prepared if the ish goes down and you have to run out.  Go get 'em Girl Scout!

Am I the exception to the rule that your toes get coldest first? Because I've seen a lot of this:

WTH?!?!? W....T.....H?!?!

It's like stirrup pants married some Barney sandals only to be cut off at the shin.  What in the sweaty ankle kind of tomfoolery is this?? Reverse Socks? I just can't.

LORD OF THE DANCE!

Is this like the lighter side of Goth or something? I mean, did you feel a little whimsy today and decide that floral was the new black? The buckles would suggest that it took a little while to strap these things up; which gives me the strong inclination that you had plenty of time to witness this foolishness as it was happening.
The truth? You want the truth?!?!? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!  ... And neither can I.  Fugliness is a SIN!  A SIN and a SHAME!

...And then you had the nerve to put on some socks... Black socks at that....

I have to go.  My eyes will need all the beauty sleep they can get to recover from this nonsense.

Photo credits have not been given to protect the innocent and keep them out of my comment box talking about the "prettiness" of their shoes. Bye, child!